Lord of the Rings Poetry
by Llinos
Summary: A collection of my LotR Poetry. The latest are a poem about whether to go for Romance in Poetry or go with cheap laughs! And Pippin pleading with Merry in Houses of Healing and Merry to Pippin in Cormallen, a bawdy hobbit ballad, a verse of elven longing.
1. Default Chapter

To celebrate Professor Tolkien's Eleventy First Birthday today, Merry and Pippin wrote a song they could sing on the table whilst celebrating and then Sam wrote a little poem to also wish him a Happy Birthday.  Thought you might like to share.  
  
Merry and Pippin go first and climb onto the table with mugs of ale in their hands and start to sing:-  
  
Now the Prof's elvenenty one  
We'll drink a toast and have some fun  
So join the party, sing the tale,  
Fill your mugs and quaff some ale!  
  
Happy birthday to the Master,  
There's wine as well - we must drink faster,  
It's our duty to get as drunk as we're able,  
And dance upon the tap-room table.  
  
The Master of Buckland and Thain of the Shire,  
These are hobbits we really admire,  
But there's no hobbit that we know,  
Can hold a candle to our hero.  
  
To J.R.R. Tolkien we doff our caps,  
The greatest man and best of chaps,  
So we'll drink and dance the night away,  
To wish him a HAPPY BIRTHDAY day!  
  
They finish with a great leap, miss the table and collapse in a heap on the floor wrapped in each other's arms and giggling like idiots.  
  
Meanwhile, Sam climbs red-faced onto the table, clasps his hands behind his back and recites:-  
  
For Professor Tolkien, Sir - on Your Eleventy First Birthday  
  
On the anniversary of your birth,  
I'd like to thank you for Middle Earth,  
For the rivers, plains and mountains of fire,  
But most of all - thanks for The Shire.  
  
The woods and fields and little streams,  
The beech trees talking in their dreams,  
Cosy homes with big round doors,  
You made them ours, these tales of yours.  
  
Thanks for making hobbits like us,  
Quiet shy folk, who don't want a fuss,  
Thanks for making us loyal and true,  
Oh and thanks for the ale and pipeweed too.  
  
For making us lively and full of tricks  
And never taller than three foot six,  
For sturdy feet and woolly pates,  
Second breakfast and filled up plates.  
  
You found a place, peaceful and calm,  
And filled it with wonder, magic and charm,  
Although a professor, learned and wise,  
You shared the world you saw through your eyes.  
  
On hobbits' birthdays, they give things away,  
And it's clear that you celebrate in the same way?  
You gave us a gift more precious than gold,  
A wonderful dream that will never grow old.  
  
Samwise Gamgee  
(with a little help from Llinos)


	2. Galadriel's Lay

I have decided to add various bit of poetry to this section as and when they occur. When there is a reason for it I shall explain the verse's origin. When there is none – I shan't. This is such a one.

Galadriel's Lay (In the worse possible taste)  
  
The world is changing, what is the cause?  
I feel it in my water – it's the menopause,  
Hits elven queens around the 3rd age,  
So I'm going through a funny stage.  
  
Celeborn's changed he's not the same,  
Gets on my nerves, I think Gandalf's to blame,  
He wanted to chat to him, you see,  
He never bloody well talks to me!  
  
The mirror's changed in myth and fable,  
I said we shouldn't have switched to cable,  
And Haldir's being such a bore,  
Keeps flicking over to see the score.  
  
Sauron's getting above Himself,  
Seems to think he's a bloody elf,  
But His weird ideas make me chortle,  
You need a body to be immortal.  
  
Now Mr. One-Eye wants to run the Show,  
Says there's nowhere else to go,  
He can have it all back – his ring as well,  
And when Eru creates it, He can go to hell!  
  
So now I'm thinking of taking a cruise,  
Cabaret, Bingo, blokes and booze,  
I'm not getting any younger my dear  
And there's nothing really left for me here.  
  
I suppose you can email me once I'm gone,  
Try Galadriel@Undying-dot-com,  
But I really just want to be alone,  
So I'm switching the telepathy to answerphone.  
  
Círdan says that I shouldn't adjourn,  
So I've told him to make the ticket return,  
Then if it really comes to the crunch,  
I can catch up with Arwen and do lunch.  
  
But right now I just need a rest,  
I've done a lot and I'm past my best,  
And an Elven Queen must bow to fate,  
When She's exceeded her sell-by date.  
  


Llinos 

Marlow-on-Thames April 1st 2003


	3. Yuletide Festival Feast

The Yuletide Festival Feast Song  
by Merry and Pippin

_transcribed by Llinos_

The Yuletide Festival needs a feast,  
That will last two days at least,  
There's lots of ale and food as well,  
We went shopping (can you tell?)  
We love our food and thought we'd better,  
Keep it in order and to the letter,  
So here's the menu (it's quite a lot)  
A list of everything we got:-

Apples, apricots, aubergines,  
Bread and butter and broad beans,  
Chocolate cake, cheese and chips,  
Duck with dumpling, dates and dips,  
Eggs au gratin, escalope,  
Fresh fish, fried fish, fish-in-stock,  
Gammon, grouse, gingerbread bake,  
Hare, haggis and haddock steak,  
Ice cream, iced cakes and iced peels,  
Junket, jam and jellied eels,  
Kippers, kebabs, kedgeree,  
Larks' tongues, leeks and lemon tea,  
Mushrooms, mousse and mayonnaise,  
Noodles, nuts and nougat glaze,  
Oranges, oysters and ox heart,  
Pancakes, pies with plum tart,  
Quartern loaf, quail, quince,  
Rice, roe and rabbit mince,  
Soup, soufflé, strawberries, sweets  
Toffee, tomatoes, treacle treats  
Upsidedown cake, ugli fruits  
Venison, veal and vegetable roots  
Wines, waffles, walnut bake,  
Xtra-big Yulemas cake,  
Yoghurt, yams and yorkshire pud,  
Zabaglione's always good!

That's the lot from A to Zed,  
Time to drink and get fed,  
We hope you have enjoyed this list  
Now have some fun and let's get pissed!

Llinos apologises for these two's propensity to write silly songs.

_Notes for American cousins:-_  
_Pissed is used in the sense of inebriation, not the way you use it, as in cross._  
_The letter 'Z' in original English is pronounced "Zed" not "Zee" so it really does rhyme with "fed"._


	4. LotR Drabbles

**Drabbles for Lord of the Rings**

Each of these is a drabble (a piece of exactly 100 words), but written in poetry form, and each one attempts to sum up a particular section or chapter from Lord of the Rings

**  
Prologue – The Fellowship of The Ring **

1. Concerning Hobbits

Nobody knows  
Why a hobbit grows,  
Not a hair on his face  
But lots on his toes.

Their homes can be found,  
In holes in the ground,  
And the doors, like their bellies,  
Are broad, fat and round.

Quick of wit, hand and eye,  
Of men still quite shy,  
They can vanish like magic,  
If one should pass by.

No shoes on their feet,  
six times daily they eat,  
Had a plague and a battle,  
But not one defeat.

They are filled up with mirth,  
And love well-tilled earth,  
But they seldom stray far  
From the land of their birth.

**2. Concerning Pipeweed**

I'd like to bring to your attention  
A quite astonishing hobbit invention  
It's an art that defies convention  
That could stop you drawing your old age pension

Bree's the home of smoking's inception  
Although The Shire embraced it with affection  
But Pipe-weed grows with a different complexion  
Much further South, in Gondor's direction.

It's agreed without dissension  
Longbottom Leaf releases tension.  
It's one of the best, but here mention  
Southern Star and Old Toby are in contention.

Dwarves enjoy pipeweed without exception,  
Rangers too smoke it during reflection,  
Sweet-smelling flowers is the Gondorian perception,  
But Wizards imbibe it to perfection!

**3. Of the Ordering of the Shire**

Just to make it clear,  
As such things require,  
Carefully stated here,  
Is the Ordering of the Shire.

Four Farthings in the middle,  
Then Marches, East and West,  
The names became a riddle,  
As the families progressed.

Buckland's on the borders,  
Across the Brandywine,  
Nobody gives orders,  
The Rules keep folk in line.

12 Shirriffs at the very most,  
The Bounders beat the bounds,  
The Messengers take the post  
To the four farthings and surrounds.

Most Tooks live in Tookland,  
The chief Took is the Thain  
And each 7 years a Mayor must stand,  
Until the King should come again.

**4. Of the Finding of the Ring**

13 dwarves and a hobbit,  
Set out upon a brave quest,  
To find a dragon and rob it,  
At Gandalf the Grey's behest.

But Bilbo Baggins got lost alone,  
In the dark and lonely mine,  
And met with Gollum, all skin and bone,  
By chance, or maybe design.

That's where Bilbo found the ring,  
Although he claimed he won it,  
Gandalf did not believe a thing,  
For how could he have done it?

The ring helped with each endeavour,  
With it on, Bilbo vanished from sight,  
But, "_Thief! Baggins! We hates it forever!"_  
Were the words Gollum screamed that night!

**The Fellowship of The Ring - Chapter 5 – A Conspiracy Unmasked**

_(In the style of Merry and Pippin's Song from this Chapter)_

Greeted by Merry at Bucklebury ferry,  
Sinister riders making us wary,  
Onward we follow, to Crickhollow,  
Spirits high, our fears to bury.

Too scared to laugh, we take the path,  
Finding a homely supper and bath,  
Then tell a tale, to turn us pale,  
Sorting the wheat from the chaff.

We've got eyes and our spies,  
We've heard some truths and some lies  
About the Ring and everything,  
Isn't that a big surprise!

You can't pretend, to a friend,  
No matter where your path should wend,  
You're not alone or on your own,  
We're with you, Frodo, to the end!

**The Two Towers - Chapter 3 - The Uruk-hai**

Tromping and stomping, faster than breath,  
Crashing and thrashing, darker than death,  
With speed that's as quick as a hobbit's heartbeat,  
They haul the prize home with trampling feet.  
Battered and bruised, the smallest are taken,  
The Quest split asunder, the hobbits forsaken,  
But the chasers are chased as the ranks are broken,  
And Hope is left in a small Elven token.  
Thundering, sundering the Rohirrim ride,  
Racing and chasing, with valiant pride,  
Cornered and crushed the Uruk-hai fall,  
Secretly, slowly the little ones crawl,  
Creeping and peeping, with hardly a sound,  
Until looming and glooming – the trees close around.

**The Return of The King - Chapter 8 – The Scouring of the Shire**

In Fourteen Nineteen, November the Third,  
The Battle of Bywater occurred,  
Four travellers returned from distant lands,  
To find their home in foreign hands.

Rohan's horn made the earth shake,  
Sounding, Fear, Fire, Foes! Awake!  
The hobbits arose and began to fight,  
Putting the evil Men to flight.

They'd stolen their food, baccy and beer,  
Felled the trees, filled folk with fear,  
Then fighting with sticks, stones and knives,  
Nineteen brave hobbits lost their lives.

Retribution was swift and just,  
Wizard and Worm lay dead in the dust,  
So now toast as heroes in every inn,  
Captains Meriadoc and Peregrin!


	5. Ddraigspelt

**Ddraigspelt – An Orc Love Poem**  
by Nagash (with help from Llinos)

Ddraigspelt, your name means dragon's skin  
And tells of the maid that lies within.  
A maid so strong with iron fist,  
You'll not be laid, or even kissed.

An Uruk maid with eyes of flame  
That burn so bright, my heart you maim.  
With arms so sturdy and muscles taut,  
You'll not be wooed, nor yet be bought.

But your odour, so rank and sweet,  
Awakes my senses as succulent meat.  
Your flesh so jagged it feels like scales,  
And teeth as sharp as piercing nails.

I longed to lay my head on your chest  
And run my tongue along your breast.  
I lusted for your dragon's thighs,  
So I made my court with oaths and lies.

Your hips are wide and call me in,  
Belying the snarl beneath your grin.  
Although I can't take you without a fight,  
Your soul cries out as you growl and bite.

We were fated to mate, but not to bide,  
Though your wore my mark, you were not my bride,  
For we are the fighting Uruk hai!  
There is no love for you or I.

For how can an Uruk – no more a maid –  
Bend to a master or be afraid?  
How can a butcher, born to kill  
Slake his lust, whilst keeping still?

Oh Ddraigspelt you could not be mine,  
Eyes as crimson as burnished wine,  
Fangs like ice and heart still colder,  
You are gone, yet in my soul you smoulder!

This is from the story **_Broken World_**, a role play set in Moria in an Alternate Universe


	6. Merry and Pippin's Nursery Rhyme

**Bilbo's Nursery Rhyme for Merry and Pippin**

_This is a nursery rhyme which Bilbo wrote especially for Merry and Pippin and first appeared in Moria's Revenge. The highlighted words are the ones that Pippin learned to join in with and would shout out when he was a baby._

"Little Pippin and Merry  
Have hippity hobbity **_feet_**,  
Little fat, round tummies,  
And never enough to **_eat_**.  
Their ears are sharp and pointy,  
On their heads they've curly **_hair_**,  
Turned up noses, turned down toeses  
And they come as a **_pair_**!

Little Pippin and Merry  
Went to catch a **_fish_**,  
But all they had to put it in  
Was a big pie **_dish_**.  
They lifted up the pie crust  
and laid the fish upon it,  
But with a shout, the fish jumped out,  
With a piecrust **_bonnet_**!

Little Pippin and Merry  
Went to the summer fair,  
But all they had to ride upon  
Was a pony **_mare_**.  
They saddled up the pony  
With the Thain's best **_shirt_**  
She gave a prance and began to dance,  
In her pretty pony **_skirt_**!

Little Pippin and Merry  
Went to buy a **_bun_**  
But when they counted out their pence  
All they had was **_none_**.  
They smiled nicely at the baker  
And said "Good Morning," twice  
He said "Good Day, now go **_away_**,"  
Which was very good advice.

Little Pippin and Merry  
Tried to sing this song,  
But when they jumbled up the words,  
The song came out all **_wrong_**.  
The sounds all tasted **_funny_**,  
And the rhymes all smelled of **_cheese_**,  
They couldn't recall, the tune at all,  
And then it made them **_sneeze_**!

Atishoo! **_Atishoo_**! Ah-Tish-**_Shooo_**!


	7. Romancing the Smut

**Romancing the Smut**

**Merry sat writing a heartfelt love verse,  
Full of wit and pith, with nothing too terse.  
But Pippin explained, "to get a chuckle,  
You need to keep it quite near the knuckle."**

**Merry wrote, "Éowyn, virtuous and blessed,"  
Pippin then added, "has a nice chest!"  
Merry wrote "Shield Maiden, true, bold and fast…"  
Pippin appended, "she's got a nice arse!"**

**Merry wrote, "Fair maid, please be not glum…"  
Pippin remarked, "with the size of your bum!"  
Merry wrote, "I love your verve, cool and wits!"  
Pippin exclaimed, "as much as her tits!"**

**Merry wrote, "Éowyn your insight's uncanny…"  
Pippin said "yes, but so is her fanny."  
Merry wrote, "She has beauty, beyond compare!  
Pippin said, "Yes, but what a nice pair!"**

**Merry wrote, "I answer when true love calls!"  
Pippin said, "Merry, you know that's just balls!"  
Merry said, "Pippin, don't make me snap!"  
Pippin said, "Fine! Then stop writing crap!"**


	8. Watching and Waiting

**Watching and Waiting**

_**Pippin to Merry in the Houses of Healing**_

When we were young our world was fine,  
I was yours and you were mine!  
I strayed for a moment - tempted away -  
By a shiny bauble, feckless and fey.

I wish beyond all, that I had tried,  
To keep my mind still and stay by your side.  
Due to my folly, my soul mate was lost,  
The mistake was all mine, but you paid the cost.

Although you are near I fear you are gone,  
I need you back here, where you belong!  
Please come back to me, I know that I hurt you,  
But now that I found you, I'll never desert you.

You painted my world with laughter and light,  
Made me feel safe, made everything right.  
We laughed at tomorrow, there was no time to cry,  
I'll bring it all back if you just let me try.

There was no need to say it when we were together,  
Inside we both knew we'd be friends forever!  
So here is my heart, and if my soul endures,  
The Valar can't have it, because Merry it's yours.

_**Merry to Pippin in Cormallen**_

When we were young, our world was fine,  
I was yours and you were mine.  
But when your call to battle came,  
It was me left behind, helpless and lame.

I can't change what's past but it's still true,  
Pip, if I could then that's what I'd do.  
But you survive because you are strong,  
Clinging to life, where you belong.

Now I am here, I promise to keep,  
Watch by your side, awake or asleep.  
Nothing will touch you, nothing at all,  
I'll hold you close and not let you fall.

I'll bake you a cake of laughter and fun,  
Paint you a world of big yellow sun,  
Give back your dreams from when you were small,  
And nothing could touch you - nothing at all.

The love that I give you has only one measure,  
It has no beginning and it ends with forever.  
You have my heart, and if my soul endures,  
It can't fly to the Valar, because Pippin it's yours!


	9. Aunt Petunia's Knickers

**Aunt Petunia's Knickers**

_This is a well known bawdy hobbit ballad, albeit a slightly tamer version than that sung at Brandy Hall in the depths of winter after the ladies had retired. Nevertheless the younger faction, not yet privvy to the full glory of what really went on in Aunt Petunia's Knickers, still thought this was pretty wicked._

Aunt Petunia's knickers  
Were as strong as they were true,  
The gusset so tough it was reinforced  
With oliphaunt leather and glue.

Aunt Petunia's knickers  
Were laundered on Monday morn,  
Tubbed and scrubbed for six whole days  
Before they could be worn.

Aunt Petunia shivered  
While her knickers were in the wash,  
She sent for the tent the circus used  
And into that she'd squash.

Aunt Petunia's knickers  
Live on in ballad and tale,  
The fantastic elastic that held them up,  
Was never known to fail.


	10. Hiraeth

**Hiraeth **  
_An Elven verse of longing and indecision_

Within the treeholm, cool and green,  
Where solitude makes quiet peace,  
Naught stirs the quiet of rill or dene;  
Desire fades safely in its keeping.  
Yet still the longing will not cease  
For blue wave and the watery sheen,  
It calls my heart with no release  
At Sun's awaking or Moon's sleeping.

But when the Moon draws back the tide  
He drags upon my soul as well,  
When the siren call is cried  
My heart is ever seaward turning.  
Whither my path, I cannot tell,  
Yet I loiter by Mirrormede's side,  
While Ilúvatar calls from the ocean swell,  
I linger still, seeking – yearning!


End file.
